We can't know what form the zombie apocalypse will take. There are many potential manifestations of the undead hordes out there. Keeping in mind that decaying flesh is likely to have a similar effect to muscle atrophy, if the "zombies" are truly corpses risen from the grave, the biggest concern facing us will be contamination or getting overwhelmed. Even those of us in the worst physical condition should be able to outrun the initial hordes and seek higher ground. A zombie apocalypse along these lines could lead to a Darwinian paradise. That might be a tad optimistic, but since a modicum of intelligence is really the only required skill here... I think you can see where I'm going.
If, in a more likely scenario, the "zombies" are alive, but severely diseased individuals whose actions mirror those of the more classic corpse zombie... well... that's a horse of a different, probably vomit-tinged color. Without the muscle decay that death brings, we're looking at a possible "fast zombie" scenario. There are several varieties of disease that could potentially alter brain chemistry enough to shut off pain receptors, increase aggression and cause a reversion to a more... natural... state (take that as code for people operating with pack mentality).
In the second eventuality, simple planning and the ability to walk will not be enough to ensure survival. Rather, it will be important to develop certain skills.
Topping the list are the following:
- Basic firearms training
While it would be ideal for you to become proficient with all manner of guns, a basic understanding of their workings will be absolutely essential. The one commonality that all manner of zombies share is that destroying the brain will stop them. The surest way to destroy the brain of a zombie while maintaining personal safety... two words: HEAD. SHOT.
That's all you need to know about guns right now. Learn to love them. And never look down the barrel. Unless you're a Miley Cyrus fan... it will be significantly less annoying than having you as a zombie so... go ahead and check out that awesome barrel, k?
- Physical Conditioning
Remember how I pointed out that, in a slow zombie situation, even the most... voluminous (that is how I shall refer to fatties) of us could still survive with basic common sense? In a fast zombie scenario that will not be the case. Both short bursts of fast running and the endurance to run several miles will be important.
If you're not even close to being able to do that... then stop reading and hit a treadmill. Seriously. Part of "stamina" is that when we are out of shape our brain tells our body to feel tired and winded so we don't strain ourselves. Obviously there is more to it than that, but this isn't an anatomy lecture so deal with it. The pain associated with overexerting yourself will not be communicated by the zombie brain. You're dealing with an enemy that will run until their feet bleed, slip on the blood and then get back up and keep running. If you can't at least handle a 5K then its been nice knowing you.
- Sexual Prowess
Bear with me here. This is more about maintaining a hopeful stance and thus surviving the several years of zombie on live-human violence that is to come. Both slow-moving-undead-zombies and fast-moving-disease-zombies are likely to decimate a large portion of the world's population. Why, you ask? Honestly, its because most of the world's population isn't very smart.
Anyway, assuming you survive wave upon wave of the risen dead, you'll likely be called upon to help repopulate the earth. That'll be the fun part, it goes without saying. So practice early and often kids. Its dark days ahead before you get that kinky kinky reward at the end of the tunnel.
Finally, on the repopulating note - I will strenuously recommend that any man or woman who had permanent anti-fertility treatments or surgeries performed, attempt to reverse them as soon as Patient Zero is discovered. Your surgeon or OB-GYN will not stay in business long with the undead running around and you're of no use to the world without the babymakers functioning.
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That's all for now kids. Stay safe and if someone you don't know tries to bite you - don't be flattered - START RUNNING!
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